LESSON 3: LESSONS ON LOVE & MARRIAGE FROM MY FAILED MARRIAGE

February 12, 2015
Lesson 3: INDIVIDUALITY While I believe in the Biblical notion that, in marriage, the “two become one”, one of the major lessons that I learned from my failed marriage is that the two should retain their INDIVIDUALITY. No one partner should feel compelled to give up his or her identity, goals and dreams for the other. Unfortunately, that was one of the BIG mistakes I think I made. I grew up with the mindset that, as the woman, I had to “leave and cleave”. The funny thing about that scripture in Genesis Chapter 2 is that the Bible actually says that it is the MAN who leaves and cleaves! Anyway, I took the idea of leaving and cleaving literally and for me it meant more than taking on his last name! LOL. I allowed myself to be totally submerged and completely overtaken. I gave up a lot of my hopes and dreams and played second fiddle. I concentrated all of my energy, talents and resources trying to help him build HIS dream. After all, he was the man and the “head”… What the lack of INDIVIDUALITY does is that it shifts the balance of power in the relationship… it gives absolute power to one individual. You know what they say; ‘power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely’. What often happens is the dis-empowered one loses respects and the empowered one, in most cases, becomes abusive and oppressive. So, my message today is; “Do YOU!” Yes, “Do YOU!” Don’t lose yourself. Don’t sacrifice/compromise your dreams… if you do, you are most likely going to regret it and become resentful. The other danger about not retaining your individuality is that your partner may begin to find you unattractive if after marriage you suddenly stop some of the things he found attractive about you prior to getting married…. It may cause him or her to stray. Tips for Total Success 1. Singles need to make sure that their future partner is comfortable about who they are and what their goals and aspirations are and are willing to support them to achieve them, not try and suppress them. If you are a strong women make sure your partner is not the type that is intimated by strong women. 2. Married couples need to have a heart to heart conversation about their goals and dreams and determine who makes what sacrifice at what time. It doesn’t always have to be the woman making the sacrifices. The Bible says that; “submitting yourselves one to another”. Come to a mutual agreement, for example, about who goes back to work after the kids come and who stays home? Who sacrifices what to allow the other to pursue a dream? Who puts up what financially? All these are conversations that must be had and mutual agreement reached. Here is the conclusion of the matter; “DO YOU!”… retain your INDIVIDUALITY! Don’t give up your hopes and dreams for anybody… not even your spouse! If your partner cannot come alongside you and support and help you accomplish and thrive in your God-given destiny, then you have a big problems on your heads! LOL. Individuality plays a HUGE role in marriage… after all, you are probably not going to die on the same day and even if you do, there is no marriage in heaven. The account you will both give is an INDIVIDUAL one. Do NOT lose your INDIVIDUALITY! Wish you the best… Lesson 4 follows tomorrow. Sharing is caring. Share this blog with others! Thanks. About As the self-styled, “Dream-midwife, Spiritual Money Coach and Queen of Networking”, Princess Bola Adelani, aka the Total Success Coach, equips business professionals and others with the knowledge, motivation, power and skills to master ‘The Four Pillars of Total Success; Money, Mind, People and Spirit’. She is an award winning entrepreneur and TV personality and the Founder and CEO of Royal Proclamations, a corporate training, coaching, speaking and consulting firm, based in Hartford, Connecticut, which inspires thousands globally to greater personal, professional and spiritual fulfillment. Princess-Bola-adelani Princess Bola is also the lead pastor and apostle at The Gathering Place, a fresh, powerful, prophetic, and revolutionary NU (New & Unusual) Church movement Click here to schedule Princess Bola as a speaker for your next event and/or hire her as your coach. Click here  to watch Princess Bola’s latest appearance on Fox CT and learn more about what the rave is about.

Lesson 2 is “X”- Rated! – Lesssons on Love & Marriage from My Failed Marriage

February 10, 2015

Lesson 2: ATTRACTION

The question I explored yesterday was; Do Opposites Attract?! And I responded by saying that “NO” opposites don’t attract, mutual AGREEMENT is required. The “Power of Agreement” in the building of a successful marriage was one of the first lessons I learned from my failed marriage. Read yesterday’s blog here.

Today, I am still exploring the subject of “ATTRACTION” but focusing today on PHYSICAL ATTRACTION…

Have you hear people say things like; “beauty is skin deep”, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and “the outward doesn’t matter it is the heart that does… God looks at the heart!”.

They say that to downplay and minimize the role of looks and physical attraction in a marriage. Unfortunately, that was the mindset I had prior to my previous marriage. With hindsight, I NO longer agree with those sayings.

The TRUTH is that, when it comes to marriage, “beauty” is NOT skin deep, “beauty” MATTERS! There is a VERY physical side of marriage. Actually, the marriage relationship is the ONLY one that is supposed to be PHYSICALLY intimate. That means you HAVE to be physically attracted to your spouse for it to work. Sexual intimacy, or a lack of it, can make or break a marriage.

There were many things that my spiritual leaders at the time made me apologize for. But i want to say this to you; Don’t apologize for who you are and the kind of individual you are physically attracted to. Physical attraction was missing (at least on my part) in my failed marriage and its value is a lesson I learned with hindsight. That made intimacy VERY hard for me but God gave me the grace and I fulfilled my sexual obligations as much as I could and was NEVER sexually or emotionally unfaithful during our entire marriage. But I privately grieved my lack of physical fulfillment and often had to fantasize to really get into the the act, if you know what I mean.

Also, I like men who are physically expressive/demonstrative and my ex wasn’t so that was another challenge that impacted the health of our relationship and one of the factors, at least for me, that I believe ultimately led to its demise.

Tips for Total Success
1. If you are single, make sure you date and marry the kind of individual you are physically attracted to. Don’t marry someone short if you like tall people. If you do, your eyes will wander when you get married and you’re very going to stray at one point or another.

2. If you are already married, have a sincere, open and honest conversation with your spouse about what turns you on! LOL. What you like and what you are attracted to. Let each partner make real efforts and adjustments to accommodate the desires that the other finds attractive. It may mean investing in a treadmill, gym membership, a good salon and a shopping spree but it is worth it to save your marriage.

This is the conclusion of the matter, PHYSICAL ATTRACTION & INTIMACY play a HUGE role in marriage… that is one of the major lessons I learned. God made us sexual beings for a reason. Don’t minimize it!

Wish you the best… Lesson 3 follows tomorrow. Sharing is caring. Share this blog with others! Thanks.

About
As the self-styled, “Dream-midwife, Spiritual Money Coach and Queen of Networking”, Princess Bola Adelani, aka the Total Success Coach, equips business professionals and others with the knowledge, motivation, power and skills to master ‘The Four Pillars of Total Success; Money, Mind, People and Spirit’.

She is an award winning entrepreneur and TV personality and the Founder and CEO of Royal Proclamations, a corporate training, coaching, speaking and consulting firm, based in Hartford, Connecticut, which inspires thousands globally to greater personal, professional and spiritual fulfillment. Princess-Bola-adelani

Princess Bola is also the lead pastor and apostle at The Gathering Place, a fresh, powerful, prophetic, and revolutionary NU (New & Unusual) Church movement

Click here to schedule Princess Bola as a speaker for your next event and/or hire her as your coach. Click here  to watch Princess Bola’s latest appearance on Fox CT and learn more about what the rave is about.

Lesson 1:- Lessons on Love & Marriage from My Failed Marriage.

February 9, 2015

Lesson 1:- A – AGREEMENT

I am NOT sure I agree any longer with the saying that opposites attract. The Bible says that; “two can NOT walk together except they be agreed ‘- Amos 3 v 3. While you and your partner don’t have to be IDENTICAL, you MUST be in AGREEMENT about your;
1. Visions
2. Missions
3. Beliefs
4. Core values

If you are Christians, belief in Jesus Christ as Savior, is NOT enough. What do you BELIEVE about marriage for example, parenting, God, money and life in general?

Also, do you have similar interests, passions and drive? If they are not similar, are you interested enough in what drives your partner that you are willing to learn more about it?

One of the reasons why my marriage failed is that I was talked (more like manipulated :)) into a relationship with someone I hardly knew and hardly shared ANYTHING in common with. Our life experiences, core values, beliefs and ideologies were poles apart, and in some cases, CONFLICTED. We could NOT AGREE (and still do not) on certain core issues because they are fundamental to our identities and core beliefs. That as you know is a recipe for disaster… Click here to listen to my podcast sharing my story; From Pain to Purpose, My Journey to Destiny

Tips for Total Success
1. Take time to get to know yourself and get clear about who you are and what your core values and beliefs are… Write them down….
2. Take time to get to know your partner- who they are and what their core values and beliefs are… write them down. ..
3. Try to reconcile any differences. See whether you can “agree to disagree” on certain core values and beliefs without feeling personally compromised and making sure you can still love your partner unconditionally and accept them for who they are without trying to change them…

If you can do that joyfully and successfully, your relationship will thrive, if not it is headed for disaster… 🙂

Wish you the best… Lesson 2 follows tomorrow. Sharing is caring. Share this blog with others! Thanks.

About
As the self-styled, “Dream-midwife, Spiritual Money Coach and Queen of Networking”, Princess Bola Adelani, aka the Total Success Coach, equips business professionals and others with the knowledge, motivation, power and skills to master ‘The Four Pillars of Total Success; Money, Mind, People and Spirit’.

She is an award winning entrepreneur and TV personality and the founder and CEO of Royal Proclamations, a corporate training, coaching, speaking and consulting firm, based in Hartford, Connecticut, which inspires thousands globally to greater personal, professional and spiritual fulfillment.1978806_10202740611629183_1662866134_n

Princess Bola is also the lead pastor and apostle at The Gathering Place, a fresh, powerful, prophetic, and revolutionary NU (New & Unusual) Church movement

Click here to schedule Princess Bola as a speaker for your next event and/or hire her as your coach. Click here to learn more about what the rave about Princess Bola is all about.

 

‘Uncensored, Unmasked & Vulnerable!’ – 7 Life Lessons About Love & Marriage from My Failed Marriage.

February 9, 2015

I recently read my colleague and friend, Lorna Little’s Memoir titled; “Mums the Word”, and was inspired by her courage and vulnerability in sharing some dark secret about her life and childhood. It reinforced my resolve, since my divorce in 2012, to live more authentically and vulnerably.

I realized that, while I had made HUGE strides in my journey to authenticity and vulnerability by sharing my story ‘From Pain to Purpose, My Journey to Destiny’ via a live event and teleconference, there were still aspects of my story that I was guarding and masking. unmasking

Lorna’s Book inspired me to take another HUGE leap in my journey, and decided that, in celebration of St Valentine’s Day, starting today, Feb 9, 2015, to share; ‘My 7 Life Lessons About Love and Marriage from My Failed Marriage’.

I will be sharing these life lessons via DAILY posts on my BLOG and ending on Valentine’s Day with a radio interview on “Destiny Moments Radio Broadcast” with Angel Murchison.

Disclaimer
I would like to issue a disclaimer that the reason for sharing my story is NOT to cast any negative apparitions on any individual or church denomination. Here are the reasons for sharing these life lessons;
• There is NO shame in divorce or ANY kind of failure for that matter.
• Sometimes we learn MORE from our failures than we do from our successes.
• The moment a “wound/pain” is exposed, it loses its POWER to hurt and TRUE healing process can begin.
• Our failures and life story are designed to inspire and encourage others.
• Our failures and life story can educate others and help them avoid some of our mistakes.
• God gets the glory when we acknowledge our failures, weaknesses and mistakes as people are better able to appreciate the grace, mercy and power of God in our lives.

Invitation
So, I invite you to join me on this exciting 7-day journey and read and share the daily posts on my BLOG. I will also be sharing my blog posts on all the major social media sites; Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn… so, now is a good time to connect with me socially if you are not already connected.
Lastly don’t forget to tune in to the grande finale on Valentine Day at 2.30pm, EST and tune in to my radio interview on “Destiny Moments Radio Broadcast” with Angel Murchison.

Prayer
I pray that my life lessons helps to improve the marriages of those who are married, help singles to make smart choices and inspire both single and married to unmask and dare to become vulnerable. Ultimately, I pray that God gets ALL the glory!

About
As the self-styled, “Dream-midwife, Spiritual Money Coach and Queen of Networking”, Princess Bola Adelani, aka the Total Success Coach, equips business professionals and others with the knowledge, motivation, power and skills to master ‘The Four Pillars of Total Success; Money, Mind, People and Spirit’.

She is an award winning entrepreneur and TV personality and the founder and CEO of Royal Proclamations, a corporate training, coaching, speaking and consulting firm, based in Hartford, Connecticut, which inspires thousands globally to greater personal, professional and spiritual fulfillment. 1978806_10202740611629183_1662866134_n

Princess Bola is also the lead pastor and apostle at The Gathering Place, a fresh, powerful, prophetic, and revolutionary NU (New & Unusual) Church experience.

Click here to schedule Princess Bola as a speaker for your next event and/or hire her as your coach. Click here to learn more about what the rave about Princess Bola is all about.

It’s A New Day!

January 19, 2015

Enjoy my new video-blog:  It’s A New Day!

 

Welcome to 2015 – Happy New Year to A Survivor!

January 19, 2015

 

Congratulations… YOU made it!

YOU survived 2014 and crossed over into 2015!!!

Allow me to welcome YOU to 2015 – The ‘Year of Overflow’… The ‘Year of Abundance’… The Year of ‘MONUMENTAL Blessings!’

Each New Year crowns YOU a Survivor, an Overcomer, more than a Conqueror…

Rather than fret and be anxious about the challenges this year may bring, know for sure that if you made it through last year and the one before, you have what it takes to make it through this one!

Success is not solitary, so feel free to call on me for all YOUR personal, spiritual and professional training support, in 2015!

Happy New Year, once again, to a Survivor!