Lesson 3: INDIVIDUALITY
While I believe in the Biblical notion that, in marriage, the “two become one”, one of the major lessons that I learned from my failed marriage is that the two should retain their INDIVIDUALITY. No one partner should feel compelled to give up his or her identity, goals and dreams for the other. Unfortunately, that was one of the BIG mistakes I think I made.
I grew up with the mindset that, as the woman, I had to “leave and cleave”. The funny thing about that scripture in Genesis Chapter 2 is that the Bible actually says that it is the MAN who leaves and cleaves! Anyway, I took the idea of leaving and cleaving literally and for me it meant more than taking on his last name! LOL. I allowed myself to be totally submerged and completely overtaken.
I gave up a lot of my hopes and dreams and played second fiddle. I concentrated all of my energy, talents and resources trying to help him build HIS dream. After all, he was the man and the “head”…
What the lack of INDIVIDUALITY does is that it shifts the balance of power in the relationship… it gives absolute power to one individual. You know what they say; ‘power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely’. What often happens is the dis-empowered one loses respects and the empowered one, in most cases, becomes abusive and oppressive.
So, my message today is; “Do YOU!” Yes, “Do YOU!” Don’t lose yourself. Don’t sacrifice/compromise your dreams… if you do, you are most likely going to regret it and become resentful.
The other danger about not retaining your individuality is that your partner may begin to find you unattractive if after marriage you suddenly stop some of the things he found attractive about you prior to getting married…. It may cause him or her to stray.
Tips for Total Success
1. Singles need to make sure that their future partner is comfortable about who they are and what their goals and aspirations are and are willing to support them to achieve them, not try and suppress them. If you are a strong women make sure your partner is not the type that is intimated by strong women.
2. Married couples need to have a heart to heart conversation about their goals and dreams and determine who makes what sacrifice at what time. It doesn’t always have to be the woman making the sacrifices. The Bible says that; “submitting yourselves one to another”. Come to a mutual agreement, for example, about who goes back to work after the kids come and who stays home? Who sacrifices what to allow the other to pursue a dream? Who puts up what financially? All these are conversations that must be had and mutual agreement reached.
Here is the conclusion of the matter; “DO YOU!”… retain your INDIVIDUALITY! Don’t give up your hopes and dreams for anybody… not even your spouse! If your partner cannot come alongside you and support and help you accomplish and thrive in your God-given destiny, then you have a big problems on your heads! LOL.
Individuality plays a HUGE role in marriage… after all, you are probably not going to die on the same day and even if you do, there is no marriage in heaven. The account you will both give is an INDIVIDUAL one. Do NOT lose your INDIVIDUALITY!
Wish you the best… Lesson 4 follows tomorrow. Sharing is caring. Share this blog with others! Thanks.
As the self-styled, “Dream-midwife, Spiritual Money Coach and Queen of Networking”, Princess Bola Adelani, aka the Total Success Coach, equips business professionals and others with the knowledge, motivation, power and skills to master ‘The Four Pillars of Total Success; Money, Mind, People and Spirit’.
She is an award winning entrepreneur and TV personality and the Founder and CEO of Royal Proclamations, a corporate training, coaching, speaking and consulting firm, based in Hartford, Connecticut, which inspires thousands globally to greater personal, professional and spiritual fulfillment.
Princess Bola is also the lead pastor and apostle at The Gathering Place, a fresh, powerful, prophetic, and revolutionary NU (New & Unusual) Church movement
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