Lesson 4: on Love & Marriage from My Failed Marriage.

Lesson 4: EQUITY

This is the epiphany that I came to after my failed marriage; In a marriage relationship, there is NO head and there is NO tail – BOTH genders are equal, BOTH are different sides of the SAME coin!

Unfortunately, this was another truth I realized after fact. Prior to my marriage, i erroneously believed in the headship of the man. The scripture in Ephesians, about the man being the head of the woman, was one that i heard EVERYDAY, as God’s order for marriage. It was a hierarchical system that positioned the man as head, equal to Christ, and a demi -god and lord, that MUST be worshiped!

I struggled with that for a loooong time because it automatically placed the woman in a second class and subservient role. If he was the head, who was I, i often wondered?! There are only heads or tails. So, i reasoned that if he was head, that implied that I was tail!

Looking back I no see how ludicrous that whole idea is and how given that was what we both believed and was taught, see why a lot of abuse is going on in Christian marriages.

I now realize that in a LOVE relationship, like marriage, there are NO heads and NO tails. I now realize that Paul was writing within the culturally context of his day where women were second class citizens adn were solely dependent on men for their survival. Reading other writings of Paul, Jesus’s interactions with women and the book of Genesis where God intention for both genders is outlined, I came to the realization that marriage is NOT a military boot camp or institution but a LOVE relationship between two equals – A partnership, a TEAM. Each partner having value and bringing something to the table that is designed to complement the other.

As in our relationship with Christ, we are heirs and joint heirs of the grace of God. We are NO longer servants but FRIENDS!!

If a marriage is to be successful, BOTH partners MUST approach the other as an EQUAL partner.That forges the basis for mutual love and respect in the relationship. The danger of this “head-tail” theology is that the partner believes he is head will expect god-like worship, obedience and submission. And the partner that believes she is the tail, often the woman, will not be FULLY present in the relationship. She will dim her light, cower, abdicate her power and diminish her brilliance – A recipe for disaster.

Conclusion
Both are leaders and should allow the each other to lead in the area of their giftedness and each should submit themselves one to another…

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